My bad for not being here recently, as I'm still very sick okay!
Get the picture?? *Laughs*
Well, it's been a week of bluesy days for me alone, thus far, mood swings just like the weather alright! For the days past I've been able to stay awake or my brain isn't awake when I was at work with much workload for me alone... :(
Apparently, there are still nice colleagues who crack a joke of two whenever I wasn't in da mood for work! Thanks to my kakis! :) And there is this particular colleague whom I must have a lil' tiff with him everyday! Hahs! He's mine source of entertain alright come my maid! :) Mr Seah you rocks! :P
Back to the point, has been really very busy at work and therefore has been running like mad in da office when my mind wasn't in da office because I'm thinking of that particular Mr Later! Bestie Jennifer will only who is that Mr Later! *Sigh* It's been days, after I've gotten an answer, and I guess leopard will never change their spots! That's very true of it!
In the middle of the night, tears just flow down by itself and wayy too much recently, because I'm really damn affect by this Mr Later! *Sigh* Well, I can't reveal much over here only Bestie Jennifer knows about it! :)
Truth to be told, I should be ending my contract with AIA this coming Monday, however, boss don't let me go... :( I guess one thing was if I go boss could handle all the work... Hahs! I sound like very pro at my work ar! *Laughs* I can do multi tasking well! :)
Too much issues/worries on hand that I'm suffocating wayy too much! Somehow, somewhere along the lines, something hit me and I finally wake up after talking to Bestie Jennifer and I guess another chapter I've learn was not to take things to hard and obviously, my heart has already die!
Listening to those songs really make me upset over the past few days, I guess, I gotta be firm and never have those thinking too much thingy... It's hibernating alright! :( Sadness that will only buried right of the bottom of my heart and I gotta look forward for each day...
Has anyone told you, like is never perfect at all?? Why do I say so, because no one is this world is perfect... I guess closing a certain chapter in life will make feel happier and of course wiser in one way or another... :P *Sly smiles*
I'm dreadfully sick and I gotta drag myself for work, when I was having fever, flu bug and sore throat... But I'm glad that boss allow me to go home at 2 plus to rest and to visit the doctor... I'm back to work in the morning due to some reason that I need to be there before I can go... I could only say that it's really tiring when you're sick and you need to teach someone else your work before going back home... Truth to be told, I almost vomit blood when I was teaching this particular girl who is going to take over my duties... Anyway, I've digressed...
I visited the doctor in the afternoon, and given medicines as usual uhh... Gotten 1 and half day MC! So resting at home...
Tuesday
It's another day resting at home, however there's some happenings in between which I shall not review here... Bestie Jennifer knows what happen! :) On top of having fever, my mind was wondering and pondering over a certain issue which I shall not say anything over here as the ex bf will be reading my blog I guess...
This was the day I was really totally sad and even cried to sleep just because of this particular someone whom stole my heart! :( I'm not happy with all that happen to the both of us... I guess I've a answer from this particular someone, who wants to hold on to this! For this particular guy, whom stole my heart, I hate to bottled up things because end up both also not very happy uhh... Like what Bestie Jennifer told me, I shouldn't hold things to hard, I guess time to let go if really things don't works uhh... The feeling of loving someone really sucks to death alright...
I guess this is the main reason why I'm sick beside the virus bug from my 4 dearies colleagues... We take turns to be sick... *Laughs*
Wednesday
Back to work and I've to finish all my work for the past 2 days when I was away, because the colleague whom suppose to do cover my duties didn't do what I told her... So me being me, went office early in da morning and it's not working hours yet for me... Just to clear all the workload that she left and she(the colleague) was on MC! *Pun-intended*
Well, the day continue with heaps of busy-ness in da office, that's when everyone else report to work and my night mare have just started... Colleagues come to look for me because they didn't received their cheques for the pass two days when I was on MC! And I'm like a mad girl, walking around the office just to find the missing cheques and what-nots! :( As some colleagues knew that I'm going off soon so they are quite worry if I'm not there who else can they look for! I'm not kidding I can multi task! Hurhur! :P
The night the I went to sleep crying in between over the same issue, I've then text bestie Jennifer over the issue, I'm glad that she always bring me back to earth when I was really very bothered by this particular someone! I'm not gonna reveal who is he, because the ex bf will be reading if I'm not wrong...
Thursday
As usual, went for work and continue to teach the colleague my work and it's really hibernating till I freak out and told her off! I was happy with what was going on...
Therefore boss was nice enough to be back in the afternoon just to lend me his ears to nag about the issue and discuss some issues on hand!
Lunch time as usual, hang out with the same people and it's fun! Once it's lunch time everyone will be happy uhhh!! It's been raining for days and I gotta borrow a umbrella from a colleague of mine! The nicest Mr Seah, being the sweetest guy in the group carries the umbrella and of course we need to share the umbrella too! Hahs! And the treat to "liang teh" session by Mr seah, thanks for the "liang teh" that make me lose my voice! Hahs!
Dinner was home cook food by Mummy dearest, as she gets off every two weeks and that's when Mummy dearest decide to cook dinner rather then the Lets go to the same stall we visit when Mummy dearest was on off!
*Hearts*
Friday
The day when I lose my voice and sound like a man and Mr seah was the one whom I must go provoke him early in da morning when I reach office! Hahs! Indeed, I told Mr seah I shall treat him back and see will he be sick! *Crossed finger*
Same routines at work, busy and more busy! Lunch was at Qi Ji, we had Nasi Lemak we did enjoy the lunch uhh... *Laughs* After which, was the "liang teh" session, I treated Mr Seah "liang teh" and told him see if I treat him "liang teh" will he be sick! *Crossed finger still*
At night time was really a bad one for me, as I was trying to sleep I've no idea why does my tears still roll off from my cheeks... Listening to this songs really make me aches like hell, cried over the same issue, go without dinner! I've no idea which bridges to cross and not to cross! :(
Saturday
In the early morning, I recieved a SMS from Mr Seah, saying the he's down with fever thanks to my "liang teh"... Hurhur! It's really a curse that he can't either I can treat him for "liang teh" anymore! Mr Seah, drink more water! :)
Went for my E-trail in the afternoon, and wasn't in a good mood already and saw this ex bf keep walking around in front me just that he want to catch my attention... Sorry I wasn't... Truth to be told, when the door of happiness closes I've already walk out from it...
Hop by online to surf the net and what-nots! Even chatted with the ex over msn technology, he wanting so much to know whether do I have a bf now or that he still have a chance! If you are reading this I want you to know that I no longer have the feeling towards you and I longer want us to be back together as I've got someone in mind!
When I was with you, you simply take my presence for granted and now that you said you wanna patch back! Is a NO NO answer! Please forget me over here and move on with your life, as I told you I hate guys behave like a girl!
If you are reading this I want you to know that I've no intention of being back with you! Someone else has stole my heart and my heart no longer belongs to you so wake up! I know that I've hurt you but when I want a break out long time back you said you'll change but never will you! If you notice, I've been ignoring your calls or msg-es when we are still an item just that I'm tired of you and tired of everything! Closing this door is never easy, for you to move on, please learn to shut the door and walk out from it... Don't go digging it every 5 minutes because you'll still have the same answer! After being with you, you are not someone whom I really looking for, I know that I've hurt you much all I can is sorry! It's never my intentional!
Apparently, I really hate guys who talk BIG and can be proud at times! I hope that you will a girl who can give you what you want! I'm sorry for saying all this because I've move on and I've found someone whom I like/love!
I do hope that you'll understand and never come asking me the same question again and again if not you'll be block from my list! I hope that you will not have any hard feelings on me! I shall bid you goodbye over here and buried all the memories from this moment!
Sunday
Hahs!
Early morning went airport to send da jie there as she'll officially be having her holiday at taiwan and I gonna miss her for a week! :)
After sending sister off, I went home and went to visit the doctor again due to some reasons uhh... I'm not getting any better fyi, has been feeling like hell in my body, either my body is not helping with the antibiotic! Doctor was really surprise to see me again, well still give me the strong medicines and hope I'll recover by then! :) *Crossed finger*
As for wee evening, I'll be meeting Bestie Jennifer for some retail therapy session heading to town! That's when she needs to lend me a ear to listen all my stories uhh! :) 辛苦你了！
It's been the tedious week for me alone and others in the office, I've been dreadfully tired after all had happen in the office...
Deep inside my heart, I'm sad that about 5 more days I'm going to bid goodbye to the follow colleagues... Minus PH and weekends it's another 5 more days at AIA!
I can't let my feelings go away, as the bonding with these 4 colleagues is getting closer each and everyday, I guess that don't want me to go too... Hopefully boss will extend my contract due to some reasons uhh... Best of everything, I made 4 very good friends over at AIA!
Let the pictures talk for me...
My best three colleagues erm one not in the picture because she's taking the photo! Chrissy, Me, Nicholas and Swee Kee!
Chrissy the one whom always help us to think what should we get for lunch and tea break! She never fail in lending me her ears and hands each time I call upon during office hour or even lunch hour! She take cares of everyone in the group. :) *Laughs*
Nicholas, the one whom never fail to have the lil' fights/quarrel with me but hey, we didn't really quarrel alright just that he's my source of entertainment someone whom can pick a talk with and someone who never fail to care for me! Don't think that way! Eer, the time spend in sorting romm just that you've work to do there and I'm always struck in that sorting room, thanks for being the nicest friend whom never fail keep me entertain when you happen to be in the sorting room. Hahs! Thanks for the treat to those "liang teh" session uhh... Mr Seah rocks! :P
Swee kee, for being most happy-go-luck girl in the group one whom always bring laughter during lunch time! I'll miss her laughter soon!
As for the one missing out, Kai ting, you are the one whom never fail to shower me with bits of snacks whenever I'm hungry during office hour one whom I can talk anything to and gossip uhh! *Laughs*
How about me, the one whom never fail to deliver their daily work and what-nots!
I guess I'll close this chapter soon after time reach and the day I bid you all goodbye, but we'll keep in touch! Yayy!
Report to work 1 hour early today as there are tons of things stack up when I've told my other colleague to do it when I was on MC... She was clever enough to put back everything onto my desk... F*** I really hate it very much when I ask her does she have any question for me before I go back home on Monday afternoon due to fever! I've since keep my finger crossed that she'll either put it back onto my desk or she will wait for me to be back! *Sigh* FYI, I've even went the extra mile in typing every single stuff for her and yet she doesn't wanna refer, I'm dread-fully tired following behind her already! (It's a miracle that I'm still alive) Hurhur!
I guess it's been 2 weeks since she join us, and yet till today she looks very blur and doesn't know what is happening... :( I tedious tired!
Apparently, it's another 7 more days to go minus weekends and PH my contract is ending and I can't wait for it to end... Else I'll die there or even suffer from high blood pressure! *Laughs*
I know, no one is born to be perfect, but learning the same stuff everyday still can forget!
In the midst of being real busy, I take some time to text my boss over the issue and what-nots and I'm glad that he'll be back tomorrow afternoon to solve the problem... :P
How I wish that my brain could stop functioning for 1 day...
Indeed, I went for work in the morning and returning home in the afternoon because of fever bug, went to see the doctor and had some rest in between...
However, in the between the rest there are colleagues who still call me up for work thingy, which I was really feel irritated about it... Luckily, I do have a nice boss who let me off by 2 plus to make sure I go for a doctor and get some rest...
After so much things that had happen, I guess being sick got pros and cons in it. Pros are mind will stop thinking over a certain issues that Bestie Jennifer knows about, as I've a walk with her at our near by park... Well, she's my best listener whenever I need someone to listen me and always ready to give me advice and bring me back to earth... Thanks a million Jennifer...
I hope she does read this blog...
Apparently, by now I must have be feeling better...
I'm finally down with flu and sore throat after so much things happen in a split seconds...
I no longer feel the happiness around me..
I no longer looking forward to each and everyday in my life...
However, there are friends and colleagues who really bright up my day at work... :)
I guess it's the virus in me, during the first month of work, first week of work, I'm down with flu and sore throat lead by not having a proper voice...
Indeed, last month of work, last 2 weeks of work, I'm down with the same sickness, maybe I'm sick of work so it's just that signs appear...
I'm feeling woozy in the early morning, for the flu and sore throat that cause me to wake up in the middle of night... :(
Apparently, going through this journey isn't easy at all... I better keep my finger crossed... I've the feeling of taking MC tomorrow... I guess, I'm really tired of everything it's time to take a slow walk in life...
It's not blue black but it's a form where someone get really allergy to dust in the office all day long...
*Looking at the cuts and rashes* Sobx!
If you are the one suffering from this rashes pain and on top of that the itchiness never stop and even get someone dreadfully irritate when they are sleeping... Far wayy to much, I went to visit a doctor and it seems that the rashes is not getting any better and it's getting worst truth to be told...
It's begins with the last finger and now it's the whole hand, I'm quite heartache seeing this... :(
It's all due to work demands and I haven't been protecting my hands from those creams and what- nots...
It's another 10 more day to go, minus the PH, minus the weekends, I can't wait to bid you good bye...
The night which leads me to a night where I can't fall asleep well, either thinking about those issues that happen...
I've told myself to be strong and stay away from those "thinking too much" situation for I once almost suffer from depression... :(
I guess it gotta do with the month again which one feel very uncomfortable etc...
Work has been getting real hectic especially when I'm counting down to the last day of work and I admit, 3weeks of counting down is just like 3 years... I have no idea, why when the last 3 weeks drawing near and yet I feel that day passes really very slowly... Truth to be told, I've got the time to finish up my 1 month of backlog and I gotta finish all my policy(s) before waving a good bye to AIA! I crossed my fingers for I don't want things to screw on me! It's never nice have stacks of work when you don't have the time to finish it... :(
For that which might explains to those rashes that is back on my hands and palm and I therefore feel quite uncomfortable at work or even at home! I can't wait for the contract to end, as what my colleagues use to everyday " carrie, can't wait for lat day of work"...*Laughs*
It can be a sad/happy moment during the last 3 weeks, well, colleagues wise are alright except for some... I better not say anything here!Not-telling =X
I shall have a good rest tonight so do you people who read my blog...
We had met and had shared 10200 hours together, talking about our past, our present and our futures together...
In the 10200 hours which we spoke and shared together, he has made me laugh, cry, and made me experience the euphoria of Love that I have never ever felt before.
I thought that he was The One, and wasn't a "Mr. Right Now"...
I thought he was the Mr. Darcy that I had been looking for all these while; and that he was the man for the Bridget Jones in me...
I assumed that after all the shites I've been through, my prayers were answered when his hand first held mine...
The signs were always there on the wall, but we chose to ignore it, thinking that nobody's perfect, and that I should embrace everything about him openly, for everything he had experienced had made him into who he was, and that if a person loves another, she/he ought to love without passing judgements, without minding his past, for it merely made him who the person I had loved...
The 144 hours were really one hell of a emotional rollercoaster ride for me; I had to be strong for myself, friends, family,and they was freakingly worried, but I'm glad they never ever fails to just listen, although there were tears their eyes. I knew I worried my loves ones when I just cried my eyeballs out 144hours ago, when it was a lonngloonggg night for me.
For things screwed up, ever since I started work, and I admit I do at time ignore sms-es from him, it's never my intentional...
With the passing of 144hours, I have cried alot, more than how I shed tears when previous relationships ended... I don't think I have cried that much ever before...
I struggled with normalcy by burying my emotions within work, yet the pressures of work caught up with me, and the memories of how he used to be just a sms when I needed to rant added onto the pain... I lost count on the number of times I had wept silently at my workstation, knowing that I still had to stick the plastic smile on my face, for I couldn't let my emotions affect my work...
I couldn't and didn't understand how Love, could have just faded like that... I kept thinking if he wasn't good enough to me, whether he was too naggy, or that he had irritated me too much, or if had been over reacting... Nights were restless and sleepless, and there were nights I just wept silently, trying to comprehend what exactly went wrong... ...
Family and Friends were there to rally around me with Love, they listened while I ranted, they said nice and not-too-nice things to me...
Suddenly, it all made sense to me... ...
It doesn't matter anymore thinking about the "Should haves, would haves, could haves..." It doesn't matter anymore that I should be worried if he has woken up, and whether he has finish his duties...It doesn't matter anymore for that I've already wanted so much in ending the relationship...
Truth to be told, I haven't been happy recently, I wasn't smiley, I was superbly frustrated, and I felt un-Loved by him... (The lies in between of him) I assumed it was work and the pressures of Life that made us edgy...
Then I realised that Life is like a novel, with many many chapters. There are certain people whom one would like to have right until the end of the novel. However, as one grows and walks along the journey of Life, those people might not stay like how we wished... They affect individuals in different ways through their presence in some chapters of Life... But the story of Life would still have to go on; It'd just be another brand new chapter...
I've still got a long way ahead of me, and although I look back at the failed relationship knowing that no one is perfect and how I have made mistakes, I have realised that I am only human, and how I will never ever be perfect, and that I will always have imperfections...
I have learnt that I should never ever change myself into becoming someone I wasn't just so I could be at least be something close to his ideal of perfection... I should never ever disappear from my friends when I get into a relationship, and I should never ever forget that how, at the end of the day, it's my family and friends that keeps me sane and rooted, whom have seen me through my darkest days, and whom have always been there for me when I needed them for support...
That being said, I know I have issues to resolve on my own, and that it will be TinGz back to her same old cherry and chirpy self in time... I would also need to spend time "dating" my bed and doing something which is much therapeutic - like online, meeting up with friends etc, and as well as figure out Life, and how I would want my Book of Life to be written in the chapters ahead of me...
As for now, I intend to remain single, for a while, not because I am fearful of Love but simply because I am going back on track to the promise I had made to myself prior to meeting him... I would need to resolve some naggling issues that are within me on this solo journey of mine so that I would become a better person, not just for myself, but for my family and friends whom have been there for me... ...
To Oscar:
If you are reading this, I am thankful that I was once loved and cherished by you. I am sorry for taking you and the relationship for granted at times; it was never intentional. I am sorry for the times we argued and for making you frustrated over issues. I bear no hate nor hard feelings towards you. I wish you well, and thank you for the months of bliss and laughter when we were an item. Thank you for cheering me up when I was down, for being there when I needed a pillar of strength, for talking sense into me when I was irrationally unreasonable, but most importantly, Thank you for having once loved me... ....
144 hours later, with tears streaking down her face, TinGz is smiley and seeing that the rainbow is there after the rain, and telling friends whom care that I will definitely get better in time... ...
It's officially over, for I doesn't have the feelings for him anymore...
Maybe he'd understand better one of these days as to the causes, but...
I really need to let go...
We just allowed the relationship to take a nosedive from the good to the worst; We hardly really communicated for I doesn't want him to hurt me or make me sad/angry. We just bottled things up, and then like a Coke bottle that refuses to contain all the liquid and gases anymore, it all came to a downward spiral...
He's gone, but he wants us to remain as friends. And honestly, for the first time in my love relationships, I really do not want us to be there for each other as friends, despite the fact that I wanna ease him out of my picture. Knowing myself, when my previous relationships ended, one of the very first things I'd say to the other party is for him to stop contacting me, for I feel that it's pointless remaining as friends after all that we've been through...
I don't know if he wants us to remain friends is just so to make me feel better, or that it would be comforting for him to be able to know that someone would be there to listen to him, and just cheer him up on those bluesy days... Or that it's just talk, and that we wouldn't remain in contact after some time...
I gave us a chance, I gave my all; and looking back, the only regret that I have is that I no longer have the chance to spend my days growing with him on the long life journey ~ I can only look from afar and hope he is truly happy for we're no longer together...
Yet, I surrender first , simply because I want him to respect me and still, in all honesty, love him alot (in the past)... But sometimes, loving someone means letting her go and not seeing herself be so unhappy and suffering. But facing the 4 walls of my room and thinking things through, I realised that it makes me happier, then I will take a step back, and allow him to be happy too.
Nothing's fair in this world, and we don't usually get what we want all the time. He has given me far too much in Life and through these past 14 months of bliss that it's finally time for him to give something back in return to me...
The night loom by with strong feelings of extreme tired, after days and hours I hope that things will not screw up on me again...
I made the decision...
I may not feel regretted...
For I always want to have more Q.T with friends and family whom I love to be with, I may be selfish but family and friends are more important then any other things... I choose to hide my feeling and buried it under myself for I don't want people to pity me...
The journey that belongs to me I'll continue to walk briskly and be more strong...
I'm dread-fully tired over the past few weeks since it's the AIG break out and things has never been smooth for me...
I'm seriously getting tired over loads of issues...
All I need was a good and peacefully rest without people disturbing me... And it't been quite sometimes ever since I chat with Jennifer dearest... Hahs! Shall meet up with her soon...
I wonder will she be reading this post??
I glad to say that it's the last month at work and freedom will beckon soon...
♥ Guess Wallet.
♥ My Titus Watches
♥ NIKE Water Bottle
♥ Sony Ericsson C903
♥ Sony Ericsson K770i.
♥ Samsung T10 MP3.
♥ White Killer Spec.
♥ Computer
♥ My Bed.
♥ Pink and White Stuff.
♥ Baby Love
♥ Bestie Jennifer
♥ Dr Janice
♥ Mummy Dearest
♥ Da Jie
♥ Youngest Brother
♥ Maternal Grandparents
♥ All My Close/Good Friends
Her Cravings
♥ New JOB
♥ Driving License
♥ More Clothing
♥ More Accessories.
♥ Heels.
♥ Sony Camera
♥ Lappy
♥ Overseas Holiday
