Thursday, June 24, 2010
-=(
I don't know why am I feeling so moody....
It's been a very tiring and full of worries weeks ahead of me, I been wondering and pondering should I give up in everything? Because its making me deadly STRESS, and it leads to those nights that I couldn't even sleep well... I really hope that my brain cells and STOP all these rubbish issues and what-nots!!
Sometimes I really wonder, what does my life have for me? There's isn't any answer to this question... Life a series of obstacles I guess, for nothing good happens to me always... The best thing in my life was that late granny is with me, but now to me, I am all alone by myself... I no longer put on the smiles on my face now what I have is the very fake smile to plaster on to tell others I am happy, but I AM NOT!!!
For I know deep inside my heart there's only late granny sitting in there, she's the one whom never fail to be with me no matter I am sad or happy... She would try her best to give me everything that I ask for... Granny, if you are here, I want you to know that I can't forget you and I seriously missed you deeply...
I always believe that late granny is watching me in heaven, I know she tries her best to protect me from and harm and danger... I can say that late granny is the one whom always make me feel loved with her around me... But this feeling has gone for 4 years, I told myself to be strong and happy here but I can't because she's my important love one that I have... I admit, there's parents and siblings but I am much closer to late granny...
I missed everything about her!!
I wished that she could stay a lil' bit longer in my dreams every night... I have so much to tell her, so much that I wish she could just appear in front of me... I know it's impossible, silly me!!
No one understand me~~
I am living in my own world!
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 6/24/2010 02:23:00 PM ♥
Friday, June 4, 2010
-4 Years On...
It's been 4 years on since my late paternal grandma leave us...It's her death anniversary yesterday and we did do those rights for her anniversary...Apparently, I still can accept the fact that she has leave us for 4 years, sometimes when I think of her tears will just roll down of my cheeks...
I tried to accept that she has left us and goes to a world without any pain for her, memories of her will be kept inside my heart forever... She's the one whom never failed to be by my sick whenever I am sad, got scolded from dad or even when I am sick she would always be ready to look after me... I ought to know that she's with me throughout my 17 years of life, but grandma was the one who have a nice heart to us... She had never once vent her anger on us whenever she's mood, she would try her best to plaster the sweet smiles on her face and we feel good with her great smiles...
Somehow somewhere along the lines, granny always tried her best to give us the best that she could and I thank her for taking great care of me and my siblings... I have learnt to be strong in life without granny by my side... Many a times, I feel like giving up in life but the lil' voice of her will make me wanna go on... Thank you granny...
She is the one who come into my life and teach me in life journey... I remembered during my school days, granny will be there to make sure we had our breakfast or lunch before heading to school... And during exams period, she would get off of her bed to make sure I don't stay up late to revise for the exams... She has never pressure me in my school days, all she wanted was us to be happy and all she wanted was us to give our best in our studies...
I believe that whatever I have done, she could see it wherever she is, I believe she's feeling happy over there and spend many great time with her mum(my late paternal great-granny)...
Granny, I hope you are well there...
Granny, I hope you are happy there...
I know I never say this to her before but I am saying it over here:
Granny, thank you very much for all the love and care you have given me,I really do LOVE YOU alot... I will always put the memories of me and you in my heart... You are deeply missed...
Granny, please don't be worried for me, I am doing well here and I am contented with what I have now...
GRANNY I LOVE YOU:))
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 6/04/2010 03:40:00 PM ♥
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
-Reflection
I am back to blogging after days of not being active over here!!
First and foremost, I have witness youngest brother enlistment which is yesterday and Mummy dearest and I brought brother to his unit at CCK that's FAR alright!
I couldn't believe this but really youngest brother has grown up, from a small boy to a big boy who is serving the country for the next two years in his army life... I guess brother would never believe this that his quarter life journey begins now...
Along the lines, I have seen brother through his ups and downs from a young naughty boy to a big boy now... Brother has always trying his best in his life and I am proud of him being able to complete his studies and move on to army and after that I guess he would be taking some course of photography after his NS life...
Apparently, I have been worrying about how is he going to attempt his army life and worry that he can't get out of the bed on time... Too much to worry, but I guess he's have grown up and gotta learn to be independent...
On a side note, brother never fails in putting a great smile on his face whenever I am mood or so, he would be there trying his very best to clown himself and make me laugh after a seconds later... Thanks for the effort brother...
And now me, the cough bug is back on me!!! I hate the bug on me!!
*Humpfz*
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 6/02/2010 02:08:00 PM ♥
Monday, May 10, 2010
-I Give Up~~
Yesh, I give up the job last friday after some hard time wondering and pondering does ending this makes me feel happier and I guess YESH!!
I know it's no easy to work with relative but I guess this is the experience gain and I understand well enough of me that I still like working in the outside industry that does not even relate to relatives...
I made this hard decision after 4 days at work and I feel somehow now I am lighten and stress free... Well my cousin was the one who keep me feel stress up and I merely told myself that I must endure till the end but yes, somehow somewhere along the lines, I give up... And this is the first time that I am giving up, because I dislike forcing myself to do something which I don't like and make myself feel like as if I am a animal over there...
Things have come clear to me, making this decision not only alone but with Mummy dearest and Baby love beside me telling me that there's pros and cons in giving up... I happy that both of my parents understand and they didn't blame me or anything... I wanna say a big thank you to my parents, thank you for the understanding... They knew that I wasn't happy over the week there, and if by giving up makes me feel happier I guess they will be happier too...
Right now, I am still busy looking out for jobs asking my agents for help and I do hope that I will get the reply fast...
Now I feel much lively, happier and stress free~~~
Whenever there's a decision to be made, I am glad that Mummy dearest will always be there for me hearing all my complains... And Thank you Baby Love, for encouraging me in one way or another...
This chapter has been closed... I am not going to reveal anything over here...
Have a great week ahead!!
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 5/10/2010 02:09:00 PM ♥
Thursday, December 31, 2009
-Year 2009 In Quarterly Reflections...
It's that time of year again! How a year has whizzed by me, not to mention how I've learnt so much about myself in 2009!
It just seems like it was last week when I was at the counting down at home with my siblings, hoping 2009 would be kinder to me! :P
So has 2009 been kinder to me like I had wished for when the clock struck midnight at home?
Read on... ...!!
:)
January - March 2009
Brand new 2009 was ushered in with a smile on my face, with me hoping 2009 would treat me much better after all the shites in 2008...
The early quarter saw me having heaps of busy-ness at work when I was still with my last insurance company. For the 3 odd months, I was busy with tons and zillions of work that I have to admit with, after which I have been wondering and pondering when should I end everything with AIA… Still I am deciding then!
And for the 3 months odd, it was filled with love, joy and laughter…
For it filled with love, I have found my partner on the particular month in FEB; it was really a sweet start from then on… I can’t imagine myself, falling in love again after all the shites that had happened in 2008!
April – June 2009
I remembered the month of April 29th, it was the day which I finally left AIA for good… I can only say that making decision on leaving this company was never a thing I like it, because I have made many friends there and bosses there treat me real well… So it come close to heart that I am leaving waving them goodbye and all I could say was they are great people there!
Thank you for all the laughter, joys, and sorrow spend together… And not forgetting my cliques whom are always ready to be there for me whenever I am down or need someone to listen to my nags! Thanks Thanks!
For the next 2 following months, I spend my days resting at home and of course spending much quality time with Baby Love and Mummy dearest… It was a slacking lonnngggg months ahead of me… *Laughs*
July – September 2009
For the month of July it was filled with celebrations because it was Baby Love’s nephew 3rd birthday… I could say that lil’ Ethan was really enjoying himself over the celebration…
And of course more QT with Baby Love, accompanying him for his wisdom extraction and more MC ahead for Baby Love which I hop by his place to be there for him…
In August, its another usual month, usual day spend with, with more slacking and sleeping at home and by now I feel like a PIG! *Laughs*
Nothing much happening after the month of August…!
For the month of September, I was trying to get myself another temp job, but it ended with loads of quarrels and what-nots which I shall not reveal over here… I have always been asking myself to do things which I don’t like and to compromise with Baby Love… But deep inside him, have he notice that I have always give in all he wanted and put myself into his shoes…
It’s another lonnnggg quarrels ahead over this working issues… Which I dislike it a lot, and I don’t like anyone to probe over this issue… I dislike being controlled by people, I love to do things my way and I want to be the one who is deciding my own future ahead!
*SiGh*
Never smoothing months ahead!
*Finger crossed*
*Pun-intented*
October - December 2008
I usually dislike the months after September intensely, for nothing good happens to me during this period...
Still as usual, same issues on hand, same quarrels, same topic and everything was like making me stop breathing for a while!
Apparently, this is the months which parents has been barking at me for get myself a job so that I can have my own income… But they didn’t know the reason behind it and that’s when they started shouting and nagging at me… I am doing all these not because of me but is because I am doing it for Baby Love, but have he ever put himself to my shoe facing the same situation with me??
Things when wrong, everyone was unhappy with me, I have done my best to make everyone happy but I am not happy neither!
What’s the point of making others happy while you are not??
*Blank*
I have therefore, explain to Baby Love and hope he will understand that not only “mans needs to work but women needs to work too”.
Imagine having your morning spoilt with scolding and nagging while you are having breakfast? It’s never NICE alight!
Topics of these will continue until I go back to work!
*I Pray*
For the month of November, it was filled with celebration too, it was Baby Love 22nd birthday, which I have spend with him for the first time in our relationship… I do hope that he loves what I have gave him and may be remain happy as ever!
I have gotta admit that, time hasn’t allow me to catch up with friends out there because most of my QT was spend with Baby love…
Finally, it’s was My 21st birthday which many well-wishes/gifts from friends/loves ones... It's the best birthday I ever had in my years of living... But I gotta admit My 21st was not much happening compared to my 20th! I can say that it’s a lil’ boring!
For Baby Love, thank you for the dedication vice versa Class 95, the gifts and of course the dinner, I have FUN!
(May I be wiser on my 21st journey…)
All in all, it was a memorable birthday to me...
I no longer grumble at things that I usually take for granted, and I have since learnt to be more forgiving and less critical towards myself, and to love and appreciate the family and friends around me much more! :)
As I usher in the new year in 9 hours later, I can give myself a pat on the back, have a smile on my face, and tell myself that it's been a fruitful year, knowing more about myself and of Life that I would never ever have learnt about Love was found once again...
How, despite my very jaded outlook with regards to Love and relationships, and how I am extremely cautious and more wary now; I am able to tell myself that it doesn't matter with regards to affairs of the heart and what matters more now is living the Life that I wish and want to lead, not being controlled nor dictated by anyone except myself...(And well, maybe the family and real close friends! :P )
Come what may, I hope that I am able to withstand the distance ahead of me, for I know that there'd be water and resting points ahead whenever I struggle and falter... ... =)
And as a yearly tribute... ...
Appreciation goes out to all my darlings/ BABY LOVE, that have been there for me through this emotionally roller coaster year...The encouragements, laughter, jokes, listening ears, big hearts and keeping me in your prayers aside, I just wanna thank you for not being judgmental and for loving me for who I am, and for gently accepting me, my flaws, my nonsensical crap, and for offering hugs, company and listening ears whenever I needed them... :)
I am truly thankful! =)
Have yourselves a wonderful 2010 ahead filled to the brim with joy, peace, health, wealth, and of course LOVE! :)
R.I.P. 2009!!!!
DIEEeeeee!!!
*LauGhs*
*HeaRts
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 12/31/2009 02:49:00 PM ♥
Monday, November 9, 2009
-Random Reflection
The feeling of this is coming recently, maybe I am seriously getting tired over with everything/ issues in my life...
I have never felt this before last night while I was on the phone with The Love, it suddenly strike me which lotsa emotional and time is really getting into my nerves lately... I've been telling myself that no matter what may come I should stay positive and happy, however, I didn't but I went deeper in tired-ness of LIFE...
Apparently, my yesterday morning was started with those topic like" Have you got a job"? This was prompt by my paternal aunty and uncle when we saw them at my maternal granny's near by coffee shop while we was having breakfast...
Speaking the truth, I'm seriously getting tired of people asking me all those related to job questions, I was like a multiple choice to them... Imagine, the mad-ness at the hawker with those irritating people asking you the questions again and again and I am not a goggle.com whom can give you all the best answer...
They have never spare a thought for me and yet they are just those naggy aunties/uncles in the market... If they were in my shoes they will know that I'm doing all these because of the particular person whom have entered my life...
Some moments which I can't waste it and I have promise myself that I would go back to the corporate world soon next year in the early month of the year... I just wanna enjoy my slacking days now and I would promise to work hard next year and earn enough money... I guess I shouldn't go any further to prevent misunderstanding over here...
I've tried my best in everything I do and I hope that those people who is in my life knew it and all that matters was merely just being happy... It would do me nice if those people can STOP asking me all these questions, else I would come down with depression...
Arghhhhhhhhx......
Whatever I do all I want was my love ones are Happy that's all I'm asking too, cos I reckon that they will go beyond their limits in me... :(
I usually dislike the months after October for there's nothing good happens after that, hopefully some year later, I would really love the months after October... *Cross fingers*
Some nights, my mind have been coming up with those memories of my late granny for she's the one whom always ready here for me whenever I called upon... She's the one whom never made me fear of anything, she's the one whom I really need whenever I'm happy or down... She would never failed to be with me, but for now, she's has gone to a place very far far away and wouldn't come back to me again... The promises I have made to her, I will fulfill it one day and hopefully I will be a less barren girl... The Love, Care and Joy she has given me would always be kept inside my heart...
It's been 4years on, and she is till watching over me from a very far away distance, without any pat on my head, any hugs and all she was my greatest LOVE in my life...
奶奶，如果您听的到我所说的话，我想跟您说，在这里的我虽然，不是很快乐但请您不用担心我。。。
I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to
Your love as far as I can see
Is all I'm ever gonna need
There's one thing for sure
I know it's true (I know it's true)
Baby, I'd go anywhere for you (for you) (ohhh)
I used to think that dreams were just
For sentimental fools
And I'd never find someone
Who'd give their love so true u u u
But I knew the very minute (ohh)
Couldn't live my life without you in it
Now I want the whole wide world to know (ohhh)
~"Anywhere for you" by Backstreet boys~
Labels: Randomness, Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 11/09/2009 01:21:00 PM ♥
Monday, November 2, 2009
-11 Months On...
11 months on of the Year 2009!
Time has flown by me!
Imagine it was just like yesterday when we enter to a new year with all happy-ness and laughter around us...
Indeed, time has really make me learn alot in life, like how to love one another, care for one another and be together through all the ups and downs rhythm... Time has really proven those impossible to me and I'm glad that in one way or among I found myself way to happy-ness, laughter and of cos those sour moments... I've learn to be strong as ever!
At this moment, I really thank God above for being with me whenever I really need him too, Thank you God!
Anyways, I am gonna meet bestie Jennifer this Friday to help the local economy and those lil' gossiping with her...
For now, enjoy whatever you have now and be happy everyday!
On a side note, I haven't fully recover from the BREATHLESS days... Argggghhhx....
New month, New Beginning!
Jiayou!
=)
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 11/02/2009 02:01:00 PM ♥
Saturday, October 31, 2009
-Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh BACKACHE + AIA Lunch :(
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh BACKACHE :(
PAIN PAIN PAIN PLEASE GO AWAY!
After being breathless for the past few days, I'm getting better without having any cold stuff like cold drinks and ice-cream which is very highly tempting at the moment...
I guess that I'm really very weak as I'm now suffering from a very bad backache which had occurs for the past few days too... I really do hope that I'll be well and no more pains here and there but I guess is impossible for me as I'm prone to hurts over my body... *Sly smiles*
Apparently, I've apply those pain plaster which Mummy dearest brought for me early on when I sprain my ankle about a month back... Since I was in Secondary school till now I've been using those pain plaster which is actually meant for those older ages people like old granny and old grand-dad, in fact I'm OLD enough to use it! *Laughs*
Get the picture of it??
Hahs!
On a side note, I've also went to meet up with my AIA colleagues yesterday afternoon for lunch cum gossiping session... I really missed them so much... Anyway, the first thing they say to me when they saw me was" Carrie you getting skinny as compared to the days in AIA back then"! *Laughs* I was like okay, I do still have my meals when I get outta bed in the weeeeeee bits noon... Have a great laugh with them too... Many of them share those QT time when I was in AIA back then, they will always be the one for me no matter what may come and be my confidant and pillar whenever I walk up to them while they are busy doing stuff and what-nots...
Indeed, I have been a very good friendship with them during the time I was there and now we are somehow lack of communication, anyway, lunching with them was great... *Smiles* They was the one whom really care for me when I was there making sure I'm alright and everything else... Thank you friends =)
Alright, off for bedtime!
Good night world!
:)
Labels: Reflection, Sick
Carrie;eirrac: 10/31/2009 12:28:00 AM ♥
Thursday, August 6, 2009
-A Sporadic Update...
*LauGhs*
My bad!
The reasons why this blog has not been updated in eons when Ive promised I would have is because... ...
I seriously am darn terribly busy!
(Busy with, meeting up with The Love and spend quality time together, The Love was the one whom keep me busy everyday because he's around me and I feel real loved)
On the side note, I do still spend some quality time Mummy dearest in day for breakfast or lunch depends on what time I get off from my lovely bed... *Laughs*
Many things that I wanna do which I can't right now, still waiting for the job listing to be out so I won't get myself a job and get back to the corporate world again... :)
apparently, 4 months extract that I've been slacking at home doing nothing, and really rest well during this period of time...
Many a times, I really wished that I'm still in the corporate world, to be busy in the day in the office with all the laughter from colleagues and my kakis...
I really missed those days back with AIA...
And I've got a hobby during these 4 months of rotting and resting at home...
Believe it or not, my PC table turn out to be a place I heart the most because of all my lovely "tikam"... (Pay me so I will do the translation for you people) Hurhur!!
I'm not busy shopping with the local economy, but helps the local economy by those "tikam collecting"... I will post my collection soon...
Alright, I also promise to meet up with friends which have been sending me text messages via mobile or msn... Sorry to keep you all waiting... Opps...
I'd updated again...
REALLY SOON!!!
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 8/06/2009 09:29:00 PM ♥
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
-Half a year on...
*LauGhs*
My bad!
The reasons why this blog has not been updated in eons when Ive promised I would have is because... ...
I seriously am darn terribly busy for the past few months of the year!
(I wished I had 30 hours in a day! So that I'd be able to sleep for another 6 more hours! :P )
I'm glad that half a year on now and things has started to changed and I'm happy with the outcomes now...
Believe me or not, the first half of the year I'm just wayy to busy with WORK and got most of day spend in the office till 7 plus, however, everything have marked a wonderful full stop...
In between the busyness, I have fall in love with someone I longing to meet in my life and things has turn out real well now and it's going be the 4th month soon...
Alright for the first four month was really a hectic month for me, with all sorts of deadlines to meet up with, all those nonsensical stuff in the office and in part of my life... However, things has come better to me right now and I love the life I have now...
For the month of February, I called it the month of LOVE... In this particular month, I've found my life partner, and I do still remember the very first date with him alone in the cold and silent cinema ... :)
He's all the one I want to be with and we have even made a vow between us and we hold each other hands till we age and eventually die... The image of him in my life was a sweet melody played everyday... Seeing him giving me all the best in our relationship is really a blissful moments...
Oh well, minus those quarrels,those arguments we are still one very loving couple... I love him through every bits...
To be with him by his side during his surgery day and going through every stages with him I can see that he's the one I want for and we have decide to settle down... *Hearts*
Okay, enough of those love love thingy!
Well, I'm still jobless... *Hurhur*
All I want is to have a good rest through the next few months before I go back to the corporate world again... *Laughs*
All that I've said, I've also went to help the local economy by shopping and brought truckloads of clothes for myself... Those shopping moments with dearie boy him follow me and accompanying me throughout every shopping days with me... He would always be the one carry all my shopping bags which make me feel so guilty out of it because he gotta carry all the way till I reached home... But Baby Love, didn't complain a one or two... *Hugs*
He made my life completed with him around...
*Loves*
Anyways, I promise to blog more as and when I'm free at home... Thank you for visiting my blog have a great journey ahead...
Cheerios!
=)
Labels: Reflection, Relationship
Carrie;eirrac: 6/03/2009 05:56:00 PM ♥
Sunday, March 1, 2009
-Hello The Month Of March...
Finally, it's the month of March 2009!
Time have flown by me...
Been busy during the month of Feb...
Trying very hard to focus on my work station but apparently, I fall sick and that's when I really gotten a day MC!!
Now I'm still having the flu bug, which never been okay ever since I visited the doctor...
Last month alone, filled with happy-ness and of course most of my time spend with The Love...
=)
I'm just contented...
And I know my bad, for not updating my bloggie...
But I promise to update once I'm free, or went time permits me to so...
Been really energetic recently...
Oppss, that might explains to those eyes bag...
:(
Have yourself a great month ahead...
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 3/01/2009 08:40:00 PM ♥
Sunday, January 25, 2009
-Bye Mouse! Welcome COW!!
In a few more hours I'm gonna kiss a farewell to the year of Mouse(RAT) and welcome the year of COW!!
Truth to be told, the year of Rat hasn't been very good to me uhh...
But hopefully the Cow year will be better and filled with some rewards too...
Have a great CNY everyone....
=)
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 1/25/2009 11:04:00 PM ♥
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
-Year 2008 In Quarterly Reflections...
It's that time of year again! How a year has whizzed by me, not to mention how I've learnt so much about myself in 2008!
It just seems like it was last week when I was at the counting down at home with my siblings,hoping 2008 would be kinder to me! :P
So has 2008 been kinder to me like I had wished for when the clock struck midnight at home?
Read on... ...!!
:)
January - March 2008
Brand new 2008 was ushered in with a smile on my face, with me hoping 2008 would treat me much better after all the shites in 2007...
The early quarter saw me having heaps of slacking at home alone... I've therefore since graduated from MIS... For the 3 odds, I've been wondering and pondering around, thinking what careers suits me... During the 3 odds, I've been there all alone at home doing those house hold chores... Staying at home far wayy too much, to hop by online and chat with those random friends... :)
It's been actually a slacking months...
Spending quality time with Mummy dearest is one of the sweet moments we had shared... Having time spent with the ex ex ex bf's of mine was the moments we once shared in the relationship...
April - June 2008
April was the month that I'm officially back in da corporate world... Being struck in starhub for almost 4 years odd with a higher position... :) All these months alone hasn't been real kind to me... Been real sick for almost 2 weeks odd coping with flu bug and what-nots which leads me to the two weeks MC!! *Roll eyes*
The busy month going around hunting for sales, trying very hard to get my workload done... Made a new friendship with Rajes which was one thing I had never regret working with uhh... :) We have never fail in going each and every roadshow and canvassing together...
Nothing much happening during all these months...
Just more work to be done I guess...
July - September 2008
It's the first year of the relationship anniversary with the ex ex ex bf... A bittersweet one!!
July was the month which loads of unhappy moment begins...
Things have come cleared to me that I should quit the job in StarHub and get myself a better job... I have to talk things out with my boss (male), he being the nicest boss I ever had during these 4 years odd... Making sure I'm okay in whatever I does in my life...
It's 14 July 2008 was a day to remember, that was the day I leave StarHub and wave a big goodbye to one and all... I ought to know, I don't bear to leave them all, but for me being young, it's time to try out more jobs and see which one suits in me in my life to come...
Between the 2 weeks of break, I begin to search for job via newspapers and online through agency and I've got myself a job at American International Assurance Company... I've to learn everything from the start picking myself to get use to office work and what-nots...
Not long after I've join AIA, the company faces financial crisis which really makes me goes real busy... I remember the first month at AIA, I've been lunching in for a month odd!! And the second month onwards I've make 3 real friendship at the department and started to join them for lunch around the near by mall and random kopitiam... The group was later increase with another guy and not long after another girl come in... We are the big family...
As usual, the lunch, the going of toilet breaks, the waiting of one another to knock off and walk to the bus stop was so bliss... Words can't describe how this group has made my life so different, they never failed to filled up the laughter whenever one was moody or feeling very random... The random of walking towards my desk just to get sweets or even crackers really make me feel like I'm opening a mini mart uhh...
It's been a great time with them all... :)
Coming towards September, was a month which many things have come cleared to me... In between the working hours/days, there's always a relationship issue... Wayy far too much things had happen... He wasn't the one I wanted anymore, which somehow, the lack of communication started and I since then keep a distant with him...
Work soon affected us, in more ways than one... I was never a morning person, yet struggling to get to work earlier than what I was so used to was a constant struggle...
Work was not what he had said it would be, mind-less, carefree with routine hours...Work soon became a chore, it had drained me out of my energy that I soon became what I totally detested - a lifeless being...
Relationship by then has already become a problem in me... Which I no longer looking forward to his sms-es/call... I admit that there where times, I just ignore his sms-es/calls, for I'm always busy in da office...
October - December 2008
I usually dislike the months after September intensely, for nothing good happens to me during this period...
Still as usual, trying very hard to focus on my work... Trying very hard not to fall asleep while boss are busy... Still, I've deadline to meet, and to get everything done before the tons and zillions of stuff pile up on my desk or lying around the cabinet...
It was the month of October 2008, a day which I msg him to say everything is over and for him being such a jerk during the times... I admit, he's nice, but he couldn't give me what I wanted in a relationship... So after I've learned to let go of everything and walk on with the life... I admit, there was a guy whom I hearts after the break up... That someone whom I hearts alot till now, will he notice how much I've hearts him??
Going through everything alone, heartaches, heart pain and in between the nights, tears just rolled down whenever I've listen to this random song... I know is my fault for not telling Mummy dearest first, but yet she have knew everything and she's happy for me... As Mummy dearest doesn't really like the ex ex bf behavior...
Finally I'm free...
Which means, more meeting up with Bestie Jennifer to the near by malls or even the random night walk at the park...
Somehow,somewhere along the lines, something hit me, it was this someone whom I really wanted to be with, however time have never really see us through every journey... We have since then somehow stop communicating... But still, I missed him and outta missing, I do still give him those random sms-es hoping he'll answer me... Or he has merely reply don't worry!!
Still hoping he'll do something to it... But I guess time have proven everything which more of less I've learn to walk on with my life and not to be affected by those issues... I ought to know it's not easy at all, however I still gotta put the plastic smile on my face so much for being fake...
If you are reading this: I'm still hearts you... :)
Finally, it's my forever young 20th bday which many well-wishes/gifts from friends and colleagues... It's the ever best bday I ever had in my years of living...
For Matthew for being the sweetest guy, knowing that it was my bday and he made and effort to meet me and treat me for dinner and of course thanks for the gift and the bday song which you have sung thrice for me...
All in all, it was a memorable bday to me...
I no longer grumble at things that I usually take for granted, and I have since learnt to be more forgiving and less critical towards myself, and to love and appreciate the family and friends around me much more! :)
As I usher in the new year in 2 hours later, I can give myself a pat on the back, have a smile on my face, and tell myself that it's been a fruitful year, knowing more about myself and of Life that I would never ever have learnt about had the Love not been lost...
How, despite my very jaded outlook with regards to Love and relationships, and how I am extremely cautious and more wary now; I am able to tell myself that it doesn't matter with regards to affairs of the heart and what matters more now is living the Life that I wish and want to lead, not being controlled nor dictated by anyone except myself...(And well, maybe the family and real close friends! :P )
Come what may, I hope that I am able to withstand the distance ahead of me, for I know that there'd be water and resting points ahead whenever I struggle and falter... ... =)
And as a yearly tribute... ...
Appreciation goes out to all my daRLings that have been there for me through this emotionally roller coaster year...The encouragements, laughter, jokes, listening ears, big hearts and keeping me in your prayers aside, I just wanna thank you for not being judgmental and for loving me for who I am, and for gently accepting me, my flaws, my nonsensical crap, and for offering hugs, company and listening ears whenever I needed them... :)
I am truly thankful! =)
Have yourselves a wonderful 2009 ahead filled to the brim with joy, peace, health, wealth, and of course LOVE! :)
R.I.P. 2008!!!!
DIEEeeeee!!!
*LauGhs*
*HeaRts
Labels: Life, Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 12/31/2008 06:01:00 PM ♥
Friday, August 29, 2008
-A Girl's Dream
Like every other girl, she dreams of being a princess,
be pampered in the most endearing way
and treated with care like a jewel.
Like every other girl, she dreams of a prince charming,
all ready to be sweep her off from her feet
and wiped from all wicked.
Like every other girl, she dreams of the perfect dancing shoes,
good enough to work her charms across the room,
just like a little girl prancing out in the meadows.
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 8/29/2008 11:21:00 PM ♥
Friday, November 30, 2007
-The End Of The Month Of Nov!
It's officially the end of the month for November alone! Am glad that this month alone, has passes quickly.! :)
Indeed, this month alone, I've been facing quite a lots of problems and come close to heart, my educational path has finally mark down a beautiful endings!:) Those stress loads that has been with me for almost half a year has been whizzes by me alone. I do have truckloads of dearies friends who has been encouraging me through out my whole journey- they made me realize which bridges to cross and which not to be cross! =D
For the uninitiated, it's times that everyone of us is embarking onto the different path in life. Those bittersweet times we shared among ourselves, and helping one another to move onto the next lap, and there's a few friends that has been with me in ways of my different laps in life.
It's kinda weird of having so much emotion now, and I guess it's due to the month again!
*Shrugs*Im glad that my darlings Jennifer, Alice and Evelyn has talk much sense to me. They are the besties whom has share my stories in life.
By today, Im feeling quite tired over a couple of issues, I guess what I need to do is to keep myself in a crystal clear mind! O_o
I ought to know its really heartbreaking to have felt the distant between truckloads of people out there. But I hope that, they will not use the same excuses again. It's really upset me when, they are in trouble I would always try my best to me there for me during the wee hours and when the ball is on my court, in return all I gotta is all excuses and excuses. =(
Having to blog this down, Im feeling pretty lost in life and feeling real upset at this moment. Truth enough to be told, Im seriously holding back my tears in my heart. Somewhat I felt that Im going to have an break down again.
*Cries*In some weird or morbid way, many of my besties has been urging me not to be too tense up, however I cant help it. Truth to be seen, the real TinGz has been really learning to be able to see further one step in life be it- family/friends/relationship etc. All I want is to be happy everyday and treasure what's in front of me. As life is really unpredictable!
On the other note, being happy everyday is virtue uhh! I dont know about others but to me, living my days happily is most vital!=)
*Wry smiles* Life has really teaches much in life, so I do treasure what I have now and if one day all this happiness has been wash away, at least I wont regret that once Im a happy girlie=)
Many attempts, when I wanna give up in life there's really nice friends that has been encouraging me and telling me the pros and cons in life. In life, we must learn from our past experiences and never repeat those un-glam experiences. Life has therefore, teaches me to be less wary and to be more happy daily.
*Sigh*I guess by having so much of those unsorted feelings really makes me felt real tired and real frustrated over myself!
*Humpfz*I really need a getaway!
*Woots*In some weird or morbid way, I feel that at times by keeping my mouth shut is the best. I truly knows that, silence is the best answer of all. All Im doing now is to swallow all those worries into my heart! T_T
I've learnt that I found myself that nowadays I dont wish to talk my personal stuff to loads of people because I guess by telling them they wont understand too. All I needed to do was having those
"hmmm and ahs" replied from me to them!
*sorry*Recently, I really tired of opening my gold mouth to talk to friends and even family members. What they say I'll just nod my head!
*fanits* If one day, I didnt talk much to you people, please worry uhh cos that doesnt show a good sign! =(
I need to rest my mouth and braincells badly. So if you guys/girls who sms/call me Im sorry to have you all those
"hmm and ahs".YippeeeEEee!! =D
Finally dearest mummy has brought me the earpiece after my previous earpiece went literally cranky! I
*Hearts* Mummy! =) I guess next dearest mummy will buy me a new spec and the mobile phone that I've been lusting for months...
*Heehee*Yesterday I didnt blog- due to the accompany my youngest brother to NUH for an appointment. And yea, Im seriously feeling exhausted.
Oh well, my lil' brother sickness is getting better! Yayy! =)
*TinGz is really feeling down*Note: I hope that Dec will be a good month for me and everyone out there!崇拜
你的姿态
你的青睐
我存在 在 你的存在 你以为爱
就是被爱
你挥霍了我的崇拜
我活了 我爱了
我都不管了
心爱到疯了 恨到算了
就好了
可能的
可以的
真的可惜了
幸福好不容易
怎么
你却不敢了呢我还以为我们能
不同于别人
我还以为不可能的
不会不可能
你的姿态
你的青睐
我存在 在 你的存在
你以为爱
就是被爱
你挥霍了我的崇拜
我活了 我爱了
我都不管了
心爱到疯了 恨到算了
就 好了
可能的
可以的
真的可惜了
幸福好不容易
怎么你却不敢了呢
我还以为我们能
不同于别人
我还以为不可能的
不会不可能
你的姿态
你的青睐
我存在 在 你的存在
你以为爱
就是被爱
你挥霍了我的崇拜
风筝有风
海豚有海
我存在 在 我的存在
所以明白
所以离开
所以不再为爱而爱
自己存在 在你 之外
I
*Hearts* this song deeply because it reminds me of the love I've when my paternal granny and great granny is this around.
It really tears me down when Im watching this MV! =(
Labels: Reflection
Carrie;eirrac: 11/30/2007 11:31:00 AM ♥
